The Raven

Someone gave me a live raven for Christmas. You know, to use as a messenger pigeon, or rather, a messenger raven. Only nobody that I know uses birds to communicate - they all use phones, or email, or text messages. So the bird just kind of hung out in my apartment. And pooped on the floor, because it didn't come with a cage - just a wooden perch so that it could swoop out the window at a moment's notice when ever I had a message for it to deliver. Which I never did.